Happy Holidays

I know it's no where near Christmas, and these are from Topfive.com, but I still think they are funny. It's lines from badly written holiday stories.

• Deborah enjoyed hot candle wax and games of chance. Hanukkah was her time.
  
• Ginny's loneliness gnawed at her like a rabid animal as she lay naked before the fireplace in hopes Santa would tie her up, forcefully partake of her goodies, throw her in a sack and take her to the North Pole to be used at his pleasure.
  
• Still woozy, Dasher landed in a dark alley in Amsterdam with 20 bucks and a need for a shoulder to cry on. The memory of that night would elude him until that fateful day when his past arrived at the stable door: "Hi, Dad. My name's Rudolph."
  
• And he vowed on that cold Christmas Day that he would do everything in his power, given the limits of his impaired depth perception, to get even with the Daisy Air Rifle Company.
  
• It was a dark winter night at the North Pole. I was after a poacher with a big-bore gun and a taste for venison. Naughty or nice, it doesn't matter to me -- a criminal is a criminal, and it's my job to bring them in. The name is Boxie, and I'm the senior elf in homicide division.