Good Bye Grandma

Life is such a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Today at lunch we find out that Spencer should be coming home very soon and he is doing great, right after that I find out that my Grandmother died last night. She died peacefully in her sleep. Rest in peace and enjoy seeing my grandfather again.

I'm trying my best to enjoy and be so happy that my son is doing well and will be coming home soon, but it's hard to smile. I had hoped she might get to meet her first great grand-child before she died, but I guess that was not meant to be. Funny thing is, I think that meant more to me than it did to her. I shouldn't say such things, but it is just how it felt the last time I talked to her before she died. Come to think of it, if I were in her position facing death, I guess I might have other things on my mind also.

I'm also stuck on the phrase "it's for the best". I'm trying to figure out if I ever believe that. I want to tell myself it's best for mother because she is not slowly watching her mother suffer and die, but in the same breath I don't think I can ever truly believe that someone is better off dead. I know it is so much better that she is not suffering, and my mother is not sitting by watching her suffer and being powerless to help, but still I wish she was alive.

Either way, I hope she's joined grandpa on the porch and they are watching the traffic go by.