Good Bye Grandma

Life is such a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Today at lunch we find out that Spencer should be coming home very soon and he is doing great, right after that I find out that my Grandmother died last night. She died peacefully in her sleep. Rest in peace and enjoy seeing my grandfather again.

I'm trying my best to enjoy and be so happy that my son is doing well and will be coming home soon, but it's hard to smile. I had hoped she might get to meet her first great grand-child before she died, but I guess that was not meant to be. Funny thing is, I think that meant more to me than it did to her. I shouldn't say such things, but it is just how it felt the last time I talked to her before she died. Come to think of it, if I were in her position facing death, I guess I might have other things on my mind also.

I'm also stuck on the phrase "it's for the best". I'm trying to figure out if I ever believe that. I want to tell myself it's best for mother because she is not slowly watching her mother suffer and die, but in the same breath I don't think I can ever truly believe that someone is better off dead. I know it is so much better that she is not suffering, and my mother is not sitting by watching her suffer and being powerless to help, but still I wish she was alive.

Either way, I hope she's joined grandpa on the porch and they are watching the traffic go by.

Life and Other Odds and Ends

It's been a busy week or so. My grandmother is sick. The kind of sick you often don't get better from. A co-workers wife died, she was a friend, a bowling team member, and good person. She had been battling cancer for a while. We had our first birthing class. Work continues to be busy, although a few expected large contracts could show up already.

With so many things going on I find it difficult to pick any one topic. I think for days my brain was too full to even begin thinking about everything. I guess that's good. I think it is the bodies way of letting me sleep. Without it, I would have never been able to sleep. I'd have been up for hours sleeping.

I did take one interesting thing from the funeral service. The preacher was talking about the dash between the dates on a tomb stone and how that little dash represents a person's time on earth. I don't know why, but that struck me as a very deep thought. Seems amazing how much that little dash stands for.

Ouch

I'm sick today. I'm convinced it's Cholera. Never mind that neither Sara nor the doctor agrees. I'm sure it is.

Requim For a Fish

Bow your head. Kitchen Fish is no more. The 25 cent, blind, upside down swimming, feeder goldfish is no more. Rest in peace Kitchen Fish.