A Dog's Life

Lots of people write about their cats. I thought it was time someone wrote something about dogs. So, here it is, "A Dog's Guide to Christmas"

• Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.
• They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.
• Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.
• They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:
• Don't pee on the tree
• Don't drink water in the container that holds the tree
• Mind your tail when you are near the tree If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open
• Don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree
• Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season.
• These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:
• Not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans
• Don't eat off the buffet table
• Beg for goodies subtly
• Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa
• Don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach
• A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. DON'T BITE HIM!!

I Can't Make This Stuff Up

The squirrels at the Cincinnati Zoo are unscrewing the Christmas lights. Strange huh?

Drunk Snowman

As Sara has already written about the house across the street from us has red Christmas lights that she never turns off, so it looks like we live in the Red Light District. Suddenly the thought of a red light district in the bible belt caught me as funny, but I'll move on right now.

To keep up with the neighbors I guess the house at the end of our street also had to decorate. Forget lights, no, they went with the large inflatable lawn decoration. I think it's a bear, maybe a snowman, I'm not sure, it's big, and white, and when I came home yesterday, passed out on the curb. It was a little flat, and it looked Christmas decor on skid row. So, we now have a passed out snowman down the street from the red light district. I live in such a great place.

Stuffed Up Noses

Want to guess what I have? A moose in a funny jacket? No. A warped mind for that being my first guess at your guess? Maybe. I do have a stuffy nose. Other than that I feel good. I think I feel good. I'm taking some cold medicine so I'm not exactly sure what I feel. Who knows.

I do know I felt bad last night and went to bed early. Well not early, but before the end of Monday Night Football. My Dolphins were playing. It wasn't exactly a game I had to see. I figured the Patriots were going to make them look like a high school team and I'd rather not see them lose. So I watched the first half and felt pretty good that were making a game of it and putting forth a very good effort. I still expected them to come up a little short. Sara had the TV on as we were going to sleep and I told her don't leave the game on because I'll stay up and watch it and I don't need to be awake that late. I needed to get some rest. I still need rest, but if I had known the surprise ending in store I'd have stayed up. I guess that why it's a surprise ending.

I should have recalled, anything can happen with Miami on a Monday night. I still remember the night they beat the undefeated Chicago Bears. I was in elementary school, but I still remember that game.

Made it Through the Night

I'm alive this morning. I'm even at work. I probably shouldn't be. I have a few things I need to get done, hardware I need to order, and a few other things that need to happen before the Christmas vacation. I'm sitting at my desk drinking Earl Grey tea, for those who know me, you'll know something is not right.

I am also waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am expecting a phone call any moment requesting I head out of town for a few days. I'm actually expecting possibly 2 phone calls with such a request. Neither destination would be great, and both would be very upsetting to Sara with her father coming into town today and it being right before Christmas. So, I am not feeling well, and waiting with slight dread as to which, or both of these phone calls may occur. I hope neither do.

Speaking of Sara, drop by her page, tell her congratulations. She has a new job. A job where she actually uses her degree, for a company she has always wanted to work for, plus more money. I'm not sure life gets much better. I'll be sure life gets a lot better if I ever win the lottery, but that would require buying a ticket.

Sick, Sick, Sick

Just sick. No, not like on my death bed, but I have felt better. I have a sore throat which makes it very difficult to talk. I do think this affliction could kill Sara, not the disease, just the inability to talk. I don't think I actually have anything disease like, just a sore throat. Brought on by a week of teaching class, then silly me washing the cars yesterday in the cold weather. Put those two together and you get a sore throat. I suppose it could be worse. I'm hoping one more night of rest and cold medicine and I feel better tomorrow.

I did spend today visiting my wife's step father's mother and step father. Amazing how life can turn into a Springer episode. I'd diagram the family vine, but I'm too tired.

Oh, by the way, Space Cowboy, my throat would be the reason I didn't call tonight. If I'm living in the morning, I'll see you then.

I Agree

Many thanks to Sara for sending me this quote from Tim Allen about Martha Stewart, I do so agree.

"Boy, I feel safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. & Kobe are walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook and clean and work in the yard and haul her butt to jail."

Correction, the Roof Stands

I guess the Tin Roof Still stands, but not the Love Shack itself.

Tin Roof, On Fire

In a world of big news stories I'm surprised I noticed this one, but it's tragic. The Love Shack burned down. The Love Shack? Hello! The B-52's Love Shack. You know the song, where the mystery lyric is "Tin roof, rusted!" Well, the tin roof is not rusted anymore, it's burnt down.

A Morning Post

I have nothing to say this morning. I'm busy with work. I'm teaching a programming class. Yes, it's the same class that Matt teaches sometime. Today should be a good class, 7 students, all pretty good. I don't have to head out to town today, so all in all, I'm having a good Thursday. Let's hope my luck holds.

Even More Mindless Writing

I'm writing more. I don't know why. I have this crazy thought that if I continue to update this thing like a mad man suddenly the entire world will take notice. I'm so waiting on Hollywood to beat a path to my door. Actually I'm not a big fan of most people in Hollywood, so I'm not sure why I want them beating a path to my door. I think I just want the fame, money, and success. Not greedy am I? I hope not.

No luck on what I want for Christmas. I made a list, checked it twice, I've probably been naughty and not nice, so we'll see what happens. Sara says she knows what she wants to get me, she also says it wasn't on my list. My list was great, such easy things as a hot tub, and a new house. I guess I'll be surprised.

Writing

I like to write. I do enjoy updating my blog. This comes as a shock to those who know me well because I don't read. I don't mean I'm uneducated. I finished college. Reading was my highest score on the ACT, in the 30's I might add, but I don't really enjoy reading books. The only books I've read in recent history are the Harry Potter series. As my wife said, they got me to read, they are magic. I actually read very fast, and retain most all of what I read. I got that from my mother. She can read a Steven King book in about 4 hours, and recall every book she has ever read. I'm not that good.

The point of all this, is that it's very interesting that I like to write. I've always thought that the great writers were those who read allot. So, I guess that means I'll never be a great writer. Big shock there I'm sure. I would love to one day be more like Lewis Grizzard. Those of you not from south of the Mason-Dixon have never heard of him I'm sure. He's dead anyway. He wrote a newspaper column and several books. It was pure Southern humor, childhood stories, things like that.

They hold a special place to me because when I was 16 I was in the hospital for 8 days with pneumonia and I read. I read several of his books, hey made me feel better. Not that much made me feel any better, but they really helped. Hopefully one day I can write sometime that someone besides the 3 people who read my blog actually enjoy reading also.

Christmas List

This is a first for me. I'm working on a Christmas list for myself and I need help. I've been working on a list of things that I might actually have a chance of friends and family buying me for Christmas. I have my dream list, a Borla exhaust for my Camaro, rims, probably a new paint job, but those are all $500 to several thousand. I may be loved, but not that loved. I know my limits.

So, if anyone out there knows what I want, please let me know. Am I that hard to shop for?

Stereo Questions

I've just spent the past 30 minutes or so looking at the back of my car. I know, some guys look at girls. I'm looking at my car. I'm trying to decide what I want to do with the sound system in it. It has always been a hobby of mine. I have no musical talent to play any instrument, but I have great electrical talent at making music loud, very loud. From my DJ equipment to my cars, to several friends cars. I really do know what I'm doing. I have an attic full of car stereo trophy's.

When I was a teenager I knew what I wanted to do and could never afford it. When I was in college I could afford some more things, but never had any place to work on my car. Now I have a garage to work in, lots and lots stereo equipment, but very little time to do any work. I can handle the not having much time. I'm not in a rush. When I was in high school it was rush, and rush and get ready for the next contest. Now I could careless about competing. I'd rather just have my stuff installed well, looking and sounding great.

I'm trying to decide what I want to do. A friend gave me a nice Fiberglas mold for the rear of my car that holds 4 10" speakers. I currently have 1 10" speaker in my car. Simple right, buy 3 more? 3 more would set me back $1,200. I don't buy cheap speakers. I could redo the Fiberglas to only hold 2 speakers. It wouldn't take me long, just a little work and recovering the box, but again. I'd have to find the time. I could buy 4 cheaper 10's, but do I really want to? I don't know. If anyone reads this and has a great stereo idea for the rear of a Camaro, let me know. I'm off to think about it.

A Biblical Question

I was thinking last night about Christmas. Mainly about why in the world Joseph and Mary would travel at Christmas time, with her pregnant, and not have reservations at the Inn. No wonder they ended up in a manger. They could have at least tried Priceline or something.

Also, do you think anyone celebrating Christmas before Christ was born ever stopped and thought, "hey, what are we doing?" Probably not.

Rain

I know the 3 people that actually read my blog know it's raining outside. But my goodness, it's not just raining, it's RAINING! Several parts of the road on my drive into work this morning look more like boat ramps than streets. You know, where the pavement just trails off into the water that never seems to end. I can hear the rain still coming down outside. On the upside, with the crazy amounts of rain I have gotten to enjoy the 4 wheel drive on my truck some. It does make driving down the rivers, I mean down the road much easier.

The all knowing weather guys on TV say that the rain will stop today, then turn cold. Cold like down into the 20's. I'd love the cold weather if we would get snow also. All we get is freezing rain and bitter cold. We have our white Christmas in the fall when they harvest the cotton.

On a Side Note

If you search in the Google Search bar above and type in "Loaded Donkey" you actually get results and pages on ways to load a donkey. None of which involve vodka.

The Donkey is Loaded and Ready to Blow

Yep, my post title got the reaction I was hoping for. Had Sara been drinking, I think I would have gotten a spit take. Ewwww messy. I have no clue what it means. None at all, but it made me laugh. I'm getting the I'm stupid look for writing such things, but that's what makes life fun.

I just wanted to write something fun. I have so many kind of real things to write about, my Gators getting a new coach, me going back to Nashville to do more work, and other things, but they are all so boring. Drunk donkeys sound like much more fun. Maybe not like a stampede of drunk donkeys, but I think they would all stagger off to the left anyway. Yeah, definitely off to the left.

A Post About a Comment to a Post

I had a comment. If anyone can decipher it for me, please do. It's as follows:

The Conversational Balloonists said...
'Appen, 'ow is thou, Wow Shirto?The weather don a saft cap and play elop with the strawberry pop-filled font. Opinions please, mac boo-boo and aflaso in time of past and breakfast cliche. Never kiss your reflection in a lake of wergont. Perhaps Silly Sally, for that is I, can take you by your petal and blast out a sharp piss. Buy my book. It took me a whole autumn to vonk out black verdy.Love you.Leave you.Extract your idea and carve a potty-shaped doris from indian heritage.Silly Sally

Sara told me to delete it. I'm not sure what to do, but what I do know, is that if you have Matt read it outloud, along with other posts from their site, it's hilarious.

Resume

No, it's not my resume, but if you're going to make a resume, do it with style I guess.

It's the Small Things

I know I've been far too busy with work and out of town too much when I'm most concerned this week about being in town at 5 tomorrow for a haircut. Granted, I really need a haircut. I don't recall exactly when my last haircut was, but I know it was too long ago. I'm starting to look like something left over from 1986. Perhaps I should go further back and just go for the Flock of Seagulls look. Not.

Oh, I did finally come up with something interesting to post about. Ok, interesting to me, and it's something other than football. Turns out a guy I went to high school with won $50K on Fear Factor. I went to very small high school, only 60 in my class, so I know, or rather knew, the guy very well. He was not the guy I would have guessed from my school to win that. Come to think of it, I can't really name anyone I'd pick to win that. Although there was one guy who used to make a few bucks at lunch getting people to pay him to ear gross things. Like grasshoppers. Yeah, gross to say the least. Believe it or not, he was not the guy on the show.

Brrrrrrrrrr

I know, it's winter time. Everyone else that writes one of these will have their own comments about the cold weather. I like cold weather. I'm fine with it. I grew up in Florida where it never got all that cold, so I still see snow as something neat and different. Granted living in North Alabama is not quite the great white North, but it does snow here some. Today would not be an example of that though. Today is the day after a long soaking rain when a cold front moves in. So it's a little brisk outside, probably in the 50's I'd guess. The problem is that I am sitting at my desk, in my office, and it also feels like it is in the 50's. I'm wearing my jacket inside, my fingers are so cold it's difficult to type. The heater in the office is fine, but with the door to our high bay in the back open, the rest of the office gets a little cold. I suppose it's worth leaving the door open so the guys in the back don't freeze. I think.

Well two days in a row, I've been able to write something. I'm certain I shall be sent out of town soon and these daily updates will come to an end, but for right now, I'll take cold, in town over warm and out of town, any day.